… To describe how I feel about you.

’cause all I know is she said hello, her eyes looked like coming home and one minute with you is better than two without. I’m not into fashion but I love the clothes she wears. I can’t help it that you look like an angel, can’t help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so; come feel this magic I’ve been feeling since I met you, can’t help it if there’s no one else… Ooohh, I can’t help myself. Your eyes are blue like ocean and baby I’m lost out at sea, who face you eye like that, said you could keep ’em? Did the sun just come out or did you smile at me? You’re a thousand miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do…

My pain is knowing I can’t have you, I can’t have you. Tell me, does he look at you the way I do? Try to understand the words you say and the way you move? Does he get the same big rush, when you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush? Tell me… Am I crazy… Or is this more than a crush? It takes true love to stand the test of time and it takes you babe, to make me smile. We had, a beautiful magic love affair… What a sad, beautiful tragic love affair.

You’re the one.I want to want me and if you want then girl you got me. I wrote this song just, looking at you and if I could write you a song to make you fall in love I would already have you up under my arm.
And maybe someday, you and I will be together. Maybe someday you and I will find forever… But for now I’ve got to rock and roll.

Well, that was fun! If you can name all the songs in that I’d be very impressed XP #IWannaPlayAGame
I could have done so many more lyrics but who has the time for that? I’ll tell ya; Ain’t NOBODY… got time for that

Hahaha well if you read this then… I’m sorry, but you’re not getting that time back 😉 I hope you enjoyed my somewhat mushy compilation of song lyrics

Peace out! ✌

Z x

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Strength is a choice; believe and you’ll make it.
In fear we gain courage; but for now you can fake it.
Be free, be yourself; don’t let them restrain you.
Break down the walls in both heart and mind that contain you.
Learn now to fly; trust in your own wings to save you.

Just You is more than enough.

Z.

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And I guess its not your fault, that every time the seasons change and the smells are different; my mind drifts to you.
That every girl with long black her moving through a crowd borrows your face for just a brief moment before its gone. What exactly did you do to me?
It’s now passed the 12 month mark and I still can’t let you go, it still hurts like the first day. Will the day come where I can’t remember your smile? Or hear your laugh so clearly in my mind?
I took every scent you harbored and kept it so I’d always find my way back to you but now you’re not mine… I wanted nothing as desperately than to be your Wolf; the thought never crossed my mind that you’d one day be my Moon.

Yours sincerely,

Z.

My path is one for the bravest of souls,
This path is walked by many but the journey is my own.
The journey is long and troubles there’ll be,
But keep on going and one day you’ll see;
That all barriers are to guide us and make sure we don’t stray.
Stick with the path you’ve chosen and say with a stubborn heart, “Not today Satan, not today.”

Bit of a deep but hopefully comical poem before bed.

Enjoy and always remember that tomorrow is a new day

No one reads this, but I guess on the off chance someone does I’ll have to explain. I have questions, but I don’t think I wanna actually ask them to the people around me, so I’m going to release how I feel to the internet, in the form of those questions I’ll never ask.

I guess what I want to know, is why nobody has asked me how I’m coping, with my break up… with the fact that she’s now dating someone else, is on holiday with him after only 6 months when I was with her for 3 years and didn’t get the same chances, how they’ve been together only 6 months and he’s LIVING IN HER HOUSE.

Is it because I’m just meant to be alright, that it was only 3 years of my life and a marriage proposal – which, even if nobody else did, I took seriously. And maybe people are laughing at me, thinking I’m a fool for believing her when she said forever… A fool for even asking. They ask me why and the answer is because I’d never met anybody else like her… and I was crazy about her. I fell in love with her and the way she made me feel more than I ever imagined I could ever love another person and it shocked me. Because this was something I’d never gone a day without thinking about; Love and loving someone. So I grabbed it with both hands, and it still got away from me…

Or is it because, how I’m coping is so obvious, that no one needs to ask. Is it so obvious that I’m still falling apart. That I work myself to the point of distraction, that I’m fine but only if she doesn’t enter my mind. And that even though its been nearly a year the mere glimpse of her is enough to break me, cut through what I assume is such a convincing act I even have myself fooled until I’m pulled from the delusion by the pain that is my very soul melting and moulding into agony.

Alternatively, is it just that they don’t give a fuck? That everyone is too wrapped up in their own stuff to take anytime listening to my bullshit, been here done that stories, if only to lighten my burden temporarily.

Whatever the answer, the truth remains that I’m not okay. Because something inside me won’t let her go, won’t stop loving her and continues to hurt me just when I start to think I could ever be okay without her.

There is a fine line between love and hate and I’m tripping down that tightrope.

Even though I know that the girl I fell in love with is gone forever, will I always live in hope? Am I just waiting for her to maybe settle for me and what we had?
Do we both deserve more than that?
Is there more than that?
Because I’m finding it hard to believe I could ever experience anything close to the way she made me feel.
A love so bright that every other type of love, every other connection I had, paled and dulled and numbed in comparison.

I’m 22 year old and I’m not sure I’m humanly capable of living anything or anyone again. You may think I’m over exaggerating but I’m not, because I’m really not the type to do so; I’m a level headed guy who takes calculated risks and normally is able to see that things, in time, will pass. But this time I’m failing to see the light at the end of this tunnel. Perhaps its not even a tunnel but a labyrinth designed by Daedalus himself; living, breathing and inescapable.

Regardless of the contents of this post please be aware that I’m not depressed or suicidal; I’m just struggling to move on and I feel like I’m battling my demons alone and I’m losing confidence that its a fight I can win. If I get my thoughts out of my head and feel like someone is listening then maybe I can regain the upper hand.

Sincerely yours.

Z

I’ve had my new phone now fooorrrr, probably just over a month I would say. And I just had to perform a soft reset on it because it froze and you can’t remove the battery on this phone. I actually almost jumped out of a window. This same thing happened to my last phone. Its clear to me now that technology just hates me and wants to commit suicide in my presence…

Also finished the first season of smallville last night, it finished with Lana Lang being sucked up into a tornado, o which Clark Kent runs in after her. BUT HE DOESNT KNOW HE CAN FLY YET. Aside from when he woke up from his wet dream about Lana floating over his bed. CLIFF HANGERS

I would just also like to briefly mention that ai have the best Canadian sister in the world and she awesome and loves me.

This is all 😀

Z x

image

Glasses bitch!